I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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