she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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