glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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