her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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