Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
