I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
why is half of my head shaved?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
