awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
