so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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