I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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