I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
