im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
