I'm lost and stupid without you.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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