if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Randomize
