There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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