the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
