I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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