ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
