i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize