oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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