I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
