Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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