When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
