In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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