I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
this boner is exhausting
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize