Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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