I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
