Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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