Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize