I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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