i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
