Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I have fence marks all over my body
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
