You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
She's not a foreskin expert like you
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize