I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
