so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
