Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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