my mouth tastes like poor choices
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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