I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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