Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
