hotel room ftw
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
