do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
