It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
