I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
vagina is talking i cant
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
