I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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