I think i sorta joined a cult last night
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
