cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
