I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
