the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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