If that was your dad, he is hot
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Dick very happy bro
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize