1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
