if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
