have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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