just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Randomize
