stop calling my apartment porn island.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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