I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
