pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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