She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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