I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
