Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
