Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
