Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
