If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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