My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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