He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i permit you to call me
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
