I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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