the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
