butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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