After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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