her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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