We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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