There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
