from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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