I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
