420 ftw
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
