I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
