fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
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