Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
