The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize